I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
