I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
