i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
