So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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