Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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