Kiss
Puke
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
