tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
