theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need to calm my uterus...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
