hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
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Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
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2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.