just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
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He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.