i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
