take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies