i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple