Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
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This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.