apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And then my night got REAL pukey
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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