Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
