I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
