Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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