so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
