She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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