Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
