I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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