He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
