in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize