I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
