I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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