So drunk its hurt
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Someone shattered a urinal.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
