so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
