If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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