But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
