Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
