you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize