Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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