you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
