I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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