She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You need Xanax blowdarts
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
