Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
