when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
