It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
