i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
