if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
