Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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