god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
thus making me awesome and them whores
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
