shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.