just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
