The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
