just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
