After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
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Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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Woke up backwards on a recliner
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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