His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I accidentally had phone sex last night
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
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I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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