this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
