it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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