your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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