I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
