Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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