when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
