He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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