idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
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my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
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Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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