I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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