Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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