You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
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I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
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I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.