Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.