Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
