:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
