he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
