My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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