We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
