just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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