Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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